Tired la

Nowadays each morning I wake up I just feel exhausted...may be I need some vitamins and CQ10, or at least that's what IggyS will tell me. I've been quite good actually coz I am taking vitamins, but still feeling exhausted!

I've been at my new work place for about a month now. Interesting la I suppose. Different culture from both H & B. Getting used to it slowly. Trying to see my footing...I think people have stopped assessing me. I hate being the new kid on the block...it's like there is this spotlight on you, and people are just seeing whether you are everything that you are cracked up to be. May be it's just in my....somehow I don't think so coz this is an office full of women...so you know how that's like :-p

Plus the house is moving kinda full-speed ahead. I can't believe how much money I've already spent, and how much more we're suppose to spend...and this was not suppose to be a full blown renovation...sigh! Wish I could actually put pictures up of the progress, but read the title of this blog...and might I add lazy to it too!

Hopefully 2008 will have a better start...2007 is kinda ending with a bleghh...

In a very weird place

"Try as we might. Happy as we were. We can't go back."

I love that line! I can so relate to it! I think most of us can so relate to it because we all have that happy place we always go to when we want to escape things. Or when girlfriends get together we will bring us back to that happy place just for a moment where you remember exactly how you feel,and you remember even the tiniest detail, like how the air smelled and felt...ok may be a little melodramatic there, but you know what I mean. Ash always laugh at me when I get together with my girlfriends coz he always ask don't we have anything else to talk about except the past? But I suppose for me, can't say for the girls, those time spent with them in UMICH was one of the happiest moment in my life. But I am sure if or when I go back now, things will not be the same. Our lives have changed...some of us have gotten the freedom we've been fighting for, and starting afresh again with so many possibilities, and some of us are figuring out where our lives are heading now...we've come to a juncture.

My last few blogs have been very superficial, even for my taste. I've only been sharing one aspect of my life that is still normal and moving along as best as expected. The rest of me have kinda been hiding and getting lost wherever I am because I dread facing what I need to do. I know my next step is the best for me, but it will be so hard because I know I so will disappoint the people I've come to like and care for. So, I've been "escaping" into that little place where I forget about me because I am happy there, but I know I still need to do what I have to do, and I am scared to death to disappoint. But I know I have to because I can't go back.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

This just made my day!! Today starts the Bank's bi-annual booksale...what this really is that MPH, Borders and Popular will offer staff 15% disc on most books and games, and on top the Bank will subsidize an additional 25% disc, which means staff will end up getting 40% disc ( or a max RM100)! You can either go to the stores itself, or go and buy when they set up shop at the Bank's premises, which is today and tomorrow.

So, here I was thinking there won't be anything interesting to buy until what do I see on the shelves if not the last Harry Potter books...that people have been q-ing up/booking/waking at the crack of dawn/booksellers boycott, etc. for!! So, how can I not resist buying the book myself, even tho I am not a Potter fan, never read any of the books, and may be not even read this book! Because it is selling for less than the market price even after discounts...MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


The good shall come to those who don't care or who waits...HAHAHAHA!

Hmmm...let's start on the book...may be I will learn to like it or at least see what's the fuss all about. Whatever comes out of it, I can always tell all the people out there that I got the book for less than RM69.90 wic was harga Tesco, etc.(tak payahlah tanya berapa less, janji less)...nyenyenyeee...

I LAP you BANK!!

Bodoh-nye Aku!!

My oh my, nearly pissed in my pants, when my boss told me that she's read my blog yesterday!!! Let's all say it together....WHAT THE FUCKKKK???? And as most of you who know me, will realize that this stupidity is not beyond me! Sigh...Mampus aku!

So, K. Gee if you are reading this I am doing work ok, cuma at times nak kena lepas tension sikit ye :-) And bila you ready nak start blog you, just let me know and I can help, okayyy, boss!? Btw, do excuse my language, but I think it's best you know the "real" me, but shall we just keep this between ourselves?! As well as whatever is shared in here, shall continue to remain in the blogspace :-D

You are the best! Honest, tak mengampu here :-DD

I just blame on the fact that I colored my hair over the weekend...I think red is still blonde for me!

May be there's still hope

Psycho-mom defined? Looks pretty optimistic :-)

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Confessions of a Psycho-Mom

I have a guilty conscience to clear...I need to be a much more patient and better parent! My eldest boy is becoming soooo difficult to handle...fussy eater, tunes me out (wic I deserve I think), and is driving me up the wall, and he IS 5!!!

I know I need to be more patient and find better ways of reaching out to him as opposed to always picking on him and yelling at him...but my patience is 0 to none!

In my prayers I do ask God to make me more patient and a better mom, and to have the strength and capability to guide my children well. I just don't want to drive them away. When I get into my psycho-mom mode, it's almost like an out-of-body experience and I hate seeing what I am doing. And when I realize what I am doing I would stop, and I think my kid gets so confused seeing his mom all weird-out!

But sometimes it's just so hard to stop myself...I dunno as I am getting older I becoming a person that I don't recognize anymore...I am so anal, and nit picky, and I hate myself for being this way.

I need to learn how to stop before I become someone I don't know or even like anymore. What does this say of me as a mom, and a Muslim? I so hope that self realization is the path of becoming a better person, if not I am so fucked! And worse my kids will be so screwed!

I am like an onion...

...or so I'd like to think. I have so many layers to me...macam la aku ni deep sangat kan? Bottom line I like money and waiting my time to be a tai-tai and be able to buy all the TODS I want...sigh...

Anyways, because si cibai pompuan suka ketchup tu...I have to peel my layers. So, since I need to be productive at work (mampus aku kalu org bank tau ni)...I shall spend the next couple of minutes, or rest of the day if need be, to find the 6 things that makes me "stand-out" from the regular janes/joes...

But before I begin here is the ruling - "People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

So here goes...my wall of weird..

1. I've been told I am surrounded by the "Male Yang" which explains a lot of my behaviors especially when it comes to sex. Forget the candle light romantic crap...that don't do much for me...like the guys I just want to get it on so that I can then sleep/wac tv/read my book...you can also not bother with the spooning/cuddling after sex...you're just crowding my space...so how's this for an Intro?

2. I have debates with myself...some people just talk to themselves, but I literally have conversations with myself...multiple conversations, with answers, rationale, what-may-have you...there are multiple people with their own screwed up perspectives living in my head.

3. Like Ms. Ketchup, I am fascinated by shit. So, ya I oso do that shit-checking...I do that for my kids, so I should do that for myself too la kan? But I am oso fascinated with nose-shit...boogers. Don't you just love picking your nose...come on I know you doo...so don't become hoity-toity with me...remember as a kid we would dig, dig, get a really loong and squishy one and gentil into a ball and lekat somewhere...HAHAHAHA...just love those moments!

4. I like to push people's buttons...even my kids. If they don't do what I want them to do (like feeding times) I will have a stand-off with them till they cry, and it will be a mind-game as to who will be left standing...Pyscho mom from hell...but then the nice mom will come out and pacify the kids...ala Jessica/Nikki?!

5. Checking out women+men...I like them both. I always do the once over, and for both gender, my focus will always be on the asses...(unless their racks and packets look too good to miss out) so going up escalators you know where my eyes will be focused...and I love getting into a debate with hubby about folks we are checking out.

6. Mind masturbation...I so love to have discussions, most of the time with myself, about things. I will try to pick at whatever the topic is, to death or till I get a freaking migraine. Like I said layers to be pealed. If I have company that'll do, but if not I can play all by myself...

So, have I said enough? Now the rest of you folks need to come down with me...those of yous who have a blog you will need to share 6 weird things about you on your blog...the rest can do it on my space or wherever you want to do it!

Maria
Sue
Lara
Rajes (I know you read so now you better write)
Fara
Amy (now you've got a good excuse to start/share your blog with us)

Start cracking...you ain't leaving me alone and exposed!

I think the bug has made friends with me...or it cud just be the weather. It has been flip-flopping between really hot weather and torrential rain. Like today it has been raining the whole day...since very early this morning in fact. Our weather has been very screwed up since 2007 began...

So, I really don't know whether I truly am sick, or its the weather, or its just work. Most likely it's work...I am just so allergic to it. I just wanna be at home crawled up in bed with all my boys...sigh..