"Try as we might. Happy as we were. We can't go back."
I love that line! I can so relate to it! I think most of us can so relate to it because we all have that happy place we always go to when we want to escape things. Or when girlfriends get together we will bring us back to that happy place just for a moment where you remember exactly how you feel,and you remember even the tiniest detail, like how the air smelled and felt...ok may be a little melodramatic there, but you know what I mean. Ash always laugh at me when I get together with my girlfriends coz he always ask don't we have anything else to talk about except the past? But I suppose for me, can't say for the girls, those time spent with them in UMICH was one of the happiest moment in my life. But I am sure if or when I go back now, things will not be the same. Our lives have changed...some of us have gotten the freedom we've been fighting for, and starting afresh again with so many possibilities, and some of us are figuring out where our lives are heading now...we've come to a juncture.
My last few blogs have been very superficial, even for my taste. I've only been sharing one aspect of my life that is still normal and moving along as best as expected. The rest of me have kinda been hiding and getting lost wherever I am because I dread facing what I need to do. I know my next step is the best for me, but it will be so hard because I know I so will disappoint the people I've come to like and care for. So, I've been "escaping" into that little place where I forget about me because I am happy there, but I know I still need to do what I have to do, and I am scared to death to disappoint. But I know I have to because I can't go back.
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7 comments:
Dear Nina,
Ironically, pleasing others are sometimes easier than meeting our own expectation. But do what you have to do; do what that makes you happy and free to be yourself. That is one lesson that I learn from my experience. Time and again, I reminisce the camaraderie that I had back in AA--it brings warmth to my heart, :). The past is what shaped us to who we are now.
-amai-
you are so right amai! whenever i remember A2 i also get the same warmth feeling, and a smile will naturally come to my face.
i know i have to do it, it's just i don't want to burn bridges with the folks now coz you never know where you end up after this. just waiting for black&white confirmation before i face the music :-(
NY :) Escaping is our privilege however holding on to your future with both your hands and pulling it towards you, is what is going to make you even happier! So live your life today and embrace your future, and have no regrets!
i think i've really come to a stage in my life that i don't regret anything i've done because it's the path HE has given me, and I HAVE made the choices to be on this path. but sometimes it's still a hard choice for us to make, and the repercussions we need to bear :-P
thanks for both yours and amai's support!! Love ya both!!
Oh..I am one person who have not quite moved on from our Umich days!...Being in the academia, I can't help missing the wonderful days we all had at AA. And in trying to equip my students with the necessary knowledge, I think I kinda spoil them along the way; I am just too lenient to them!!! :D I'm just following Richard Goldstein's path - he was very kind to me ;D
I wonder if my students notice that I have bigger smiles now? :D
i would LOVE to be your student! your students don't know how gothic and cool their lecturer is!
i love you. no matter what. do what you have to do. let Allah figure out the rest.
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