My Life as I see It

Closing this chapter

2008-11-12T20:56:00.002+11:00

Someone commented on something I wrote so long ago that I started to scroll through all the things that I've written in the last couple of years. It's been an amazing journey in the last 2 years. I went into 2 news jobs, bought a new house had a nightmare renovating it (still having some nightmares but not so bad), took vacations, had many indulgences in between esp in the handbag and jewelry categories (who knew I really liked these things!), went back to the States after 10 years, quit twice, travelled elsewhere in between, and soon taking a weekend trip without kids for the first time, be it to Singapore, but that's a first step, and a family trip to Gold Coast...woo hoo!!!

Come December I'll do what I do best start a new job...I am such a whore..hahaha!!! I keep on jumping to who will pay me more! As long as I am wanted right?? Well, it's more complicated than that. I did like the Bank, in fact I did try to see if I could go back sometime middle of this year. This current job of mine is the first job that I actually quit twice which says a lot about the firm I suppose. This 2nd time is a firm quit since I am going into something that I've been wanting to do for the longest time...whether it's the right choice we'll see. I am hoping this new place will make an honest woman of me.

The funny thing is that whenever my career isn't going well I always start toying about going into Academia...I think that is really what I want to do in the end, but just never have the chance to. I guess that will never be in my path. Anyway, we'll see how this new job will be. Whatever it is if I quit this job it'll be for good. I've given DH a year before I stay at home full time with the kids.

So to new beginnings, and new hope...

Where to begin...

2008-05-24T16:26:00.003+10:00

I feel like it's been a lifetime since my last posting. So much has happened...our contractor ran off without completing his work when we've paid almost 3/4, I got really sick with asthma and exhaustion, kids were also sick back to back - major ones like measles and chicken pox, I quit my job...and all these happened between Feb and May.

So, I was really at the end of my rope when I quit my job...with no new prospects. I was just tired.

But then things started picking, got onto a really good project with great clients and connected with some people at work, renovation on my house started again, and I found a new lifeline...so now we've moved into our new house and really enjoying it and I un-quit my job.

Kids are slowly adjusting to living on our own and making friends with the neighborhood kids :-D. We're also adjusting being on our own, if not it's always being around with either set of parents - and I'm actually cooking dinner, even on a weekday!!! So, it's been pretty interesting - a huge rollercoaster ride!

I'm planning to take a month off from work to just sort our my health and family life. I've yet to fully recover from the asthma. Kids are off and on sick with the normal cold, but we need to figure out Izz's schooling coz he'll be 7 next year!!!

Interesting first half of the year...hopefully, 2nd half will be much better :-D

p/s pictures of house can be found in facebook...

BFF

2008-02-05T18:55:00.000+11:00

My beyaattches for life!!

I can't believe how much girls can catch up in such short span of time! It was like we've never been apart, and we are still these stupid girls from college...out of college but still stupid, or may be even more stupider...if that can happen. Actually, it DID!!! Soooo very many examples, it's not even funny!!!

The 1 am snacks, and mengumpating and scheming till 3 am...man, that brought back sooo many memories. The only thing missing was may be Celine Dion singing that Titanic song...did I not say Stupid???

3 nights on heavenly bed bitching and mengumpating, and 2 straight days of shopping...what else can I ask for? Amai was such a perfect host - managed to handle 2 very loud mouth B*^#@, while being the ever isteri mithali...love you, babe!!!

In case people are wondering, I did have my training, and I tried my very damndest to act and sound smart in those two days!!

Now, I am waiting for my bag to arrive from Ethiopia. Don't ask!!

10 years after...

2008-01-28T03:14:00.000+11:00

I feel so old coz that's how long ago I graduated from college!!!!! AAARRRGHHH!!! But actually I was back in the States 8 years ago when I came for training in Chicago while I was with H. Now, with new company Philadelphia is where they're based at. I've never been to Philly, so it's nice.

Wish I had more time though, but because of on-going project I can't stay for long...just staying for 5 days before heading home. Also, I can't bear to be apart from Ash and the boys for any longer than that. I miss them...especially the tucking kids into bed part :-(. But will definitely get to spend quality time with Ms. Ketchup who is flying up from Bermuda and staying with me, and with Amai who has pretty much planned both our stay here. My time outside the training has been well taken care of!

If Ash and I ever plan to bring the kids over here it has to be within the next 5 yrs or so because I don't think my body can take the looooonnng (30+hours) journey and with small kids in tow! I really feel old, man! And this trip shouldn't have been so bad because I was travelling business...so the thot of going economy and with kids...damn scary!!

Immigration wasn't so bad. They were nice and friendly. But me and my luggage had to be disinfected before I could board the plane to Philly. Or at least it felt like I was being disinfected because I had to go thru this machine called Sentinel (so sci-fi) which sprayed me with some stuff, then my shoes along with my hand luggage went into the x-ray machine. Mind you I was a pro by this time because I went thru the same thing before I boarded the plane to US in Doha, except for the Sentinel part. After x-ray...they basically swab all my bags...that's why I said DISINFECTED! I guess they want to doubly sure that I wasn't a terrorist who had GSR (CSI buff u shud know this) because the whole process looks like a scene from CSI.

But you know after having to go so many levels of check and disinfection, the thing that is very glaring to me is the number of foreigners I see working in the airport! Which to me is very ironic given how strict they are with people coming into their country.

So, now I am thinking of walking over to that shopping mall I see below (the dome is a mall), and also checking out whether I can walk to place where my training is to be held at.

33 yrs 1 day

2008-01-03T03:02:00.000+11:00

...yet still no wiser! I still feel I am 30...in my head I've stopped at 30. So, what's up for 2008? Dunno...hopefully a good career, lighter and a baby ;-)

Here's to 2008 and my 33rd year! Bring it on baby!

Closing 2007

2007-12-26T13:47:00.000+11:00

I know the picture doesn't make sense, but I just wanted to put up something that is meaningful to me, and I thought pictures of my two boys really sums up my life so far!

2007 has been good year for me especially in the career front, and I hope 2008 will continue to be a good year professionally. I've never been focused in my career, and it's really quite amazing how because people seem to have faith in me, and because of that faith I see myself being passionate again about work, and really wanting to push myself further in my professional life. I actually am looking forward towards something now. So, after working towards nothing for the last 9 years, 2007 was a turning point for me! Syukur Alhamdulillah to Allah swt, is all I can say!

I am not going to do a run-down of 07 as too many things have happened...good things, sad things, deaths, births, etc...but that's all about life kan? So, here's hoping 2008 will continue to be diberkati oleh Allah swt (or whomever you pray to)...that we all continue to be better people and better Muslims (for those who are Muslims), as we know all things good and bad come from Him. We are mere mortals, and what's here is just temporary.

Tired la

2007-12-24T12:33:00.000+11:00

Nowadays each morning I wake up I just feel exhausted...may be I need some vitamins and CQ10, or at least that's what IggyS will tell me. I've been quite good actually coz I am taking vitamins, but still feeling exhausted!

I've been at my new work place for about a month now. Interesting la I suppose. Different culture from both H & B. Getting used to it slowly. Trying to see my footing...I think people have stopped assessing me. I hate being the new kid on the block...it's like there is this spotlight on you, and people are just seeing whether you are everything that you are cracked up to be. May be it's just in my....somehow I don't think so coz this is an office full of women...so you know how that's like :-p

Plus the house is moving kinda full-speed ahead. I can't believe how much money I've already spent, and how much more we're suppose to spend...and this was not suppose to be a full blown renovation...sigh! Wish I could actually put pictures up of the progress, but read the title of this blog...and might I add lazy to it too!

Hopefully 2008 will have a better start...2007 is kinda ending with a bleghh...

White Sandy Beaches...hopefully!

2007-11-22T14:21:00.001+11:00

This is where we're heading for a well-deserved family break. This year we've been quite good where once every 4 months we take the kids away...Penang, Kuantan and now Pangkor. With two active boys (3 if including the biggest boy!), beach holidays are the best. Coz we can soo easily occupy the kids!

Hopefully, we can still maintain the momentum for next year, but if we include one trip abroad (hoping its Bali coz I just love it there), then may be not so often la. We'll see...

Thank God, I am on leave next week! I usually need another holiday to recover from one holiday! My time will just be spent with feeding kids, bathing them, putting them to sleep, feeding them, etc...shouldn't complain coz I just do this 3x a year full time!

Dunnow what's sooo busy

2007-11-21T13:41:00.000+11:00

...may be facebook. Think the fad is slowly fading off, but still cek it daily coz of emails there. Easier to have a one-stop center to keep track of friends.

This week is my last week at work, and next week I'll be off. But will probably come in to debrief my boss whose been in the UK the last 10 days (lucky her!!), and pack up my stuff. I so don't feel like I am leaving this org...people been asking me whether I am counting the days...I probably would if I hated this place, but the reality is I DON'T! I think I'll be a mess when I leave this place...may be i'll come over the weekend to pack so I won't see people and get overly emotional.

Let's try to be cheerful a little bit...this weekend is the family getaway to Pangkor Island Beach Resort. I can't remember the last time I went there...it's been a while, 10 years at least. This should be fun...Izz is already excited about the boatride. The only way for me to sell the holiday to him! He was pestering us to go back to Parkroyal Penang coz they have a waterslide at the pool, but to pay close to RM400 per nite for the kind of room...and the meal costs..so not worth it!

The other thing that's occupying me is the renovation work for the house. Technically we weren't gonna do much, but decided to at least do up the kitchen and masterbedroom properly as this is where the major work will happen. The rest just ID work. So hopefully all will turn out well! The contractor we hired seems to be on the ball, and surprisingly he is not charging us so much!!! Will post pictures on the progress once we've take some pictures :-p

The Legend

2007-10-24T13:25:00.000+10:00

Pictures courtesy of Jeff Ooi.

Yes, managed to the catch it over the weekend. I think Malaysians are so starved for good and lavish theater that we are very forgiving. If you've read reviews of P. Ramlee in both The Star and NST, you can see that all comments about the storyline, etc. were quite disappointing. It's true there were loopholes, and characterizations were very loosely based. The focus was really the staging of the musical - the sets, costumes, songs, etc., which to some extend covered up for the weak storyline. I suppose they decided to distract the audience from the story.

I actually liked PGL much more. The music was good, but I agreed with The Star's review it was a weird mix between TYPICAL musical sounds (Jeff Ooi calls it Pocahantas-like) with amazing P. Ramlee's composition, and it didn't work for me.

I couldn't really pin-point what was missing, but I left the theater feeling disturbed and lacking. The only portion that I felt was real and really reminded me of P. Ramlee was in Act 2 where he was courting Saloma. I loved that whole bit - so like P. Ramlee in his movies. The rest was quite forgettable especially the Penang scenes with when he was a kid. There were no show stealers there. The child-actors did not sound natural at all, and Siti's bit was small, but compensated by her voice. My first time hearing her sing live, and I can't deny she has an amazing voice.

Sean Ghazi seemed to only get into the role towards the end, which was quite disappointing coz I was really excited to see him perform. Liza Hanim was a real surprise to me - may be because I didn't have any expectation of her. She was natural, and her voice was really amazing. But sorry to say la I really couldn't understand the hype over Melissa Saila (the crowd was just going nuts). I wonder was just because she is related to Saloma...Her character was one of the most developed and she had a range of emotions to display which was good, but her voice was really bad...you can hear pitching semua lari beb! And I am no music critic, ok!

All in all, it was an ok way to spend 3 hrs or so...but I did find some parts very draggy and unnecessary. I guess I kinda feel cheated because I left the musical not knowing more about P. Ramlee, and didn't get the full appreciation of his songs and work.

And let's not open topic of how incompetent Istana Budaya is...that's is a whole other diatribe!

Eid Mubarak Everyone!!!

2007-10-10T16:25:00.001+10:00

I just love Hari Raya greetings! I know technically the more meaningful one is Hari Raya Aidiladha, but Hari Raya Aidilfitri is sooo much fun! Personally I think there is nothing wrong in separating faith and culture! The meaning of both days remain true to its faith, but we celebrate it differently given our culture. This creates the experience, and emotion around the celebration which you will always carry with you, and you start to inculcate in your own children. Then you bring in the elements of faith and teach the young ones the meanings behind the celebration and action.

So, everyone have a safe raya! Drive safe! Don't overdo the eating...more importantly savour the family bonding!

Maaf Zahir Batin!

Throwing in the towel

2007-09-24T15:56:00.000+10:00

Sorry...siaran tergendala sikit...ms. ketchup started facebook so have been stuck there trying to figure out what's up with the damn vampires, zombies, werewolves, etc. Pening siut!!

Plus the work has been distracting me quite a bit. I was kinda in a limbo in the last couple of weeks...trying to figure stuff out. So, finally made a decision to throw in my towel. I know I am going to disappoint so many people that were counting on me, and I will have to live down the "stigma", and be called all sorts of names for what I am gonna do, but like I said I can't go back.

I think those who really know me will know how hard this decision is...to disappoint my team. But I also hope they know that this decision, though not easy, is really the best for me at this point in time. The opportunity to learn and actually build a specialization can't be denied. I will need to be a little more selfish, and do this for myself.

And those who don't know me...well I can't change their opinion. So they can pretty much ___ off :-)...ooops sorri bulan puasa...after this they can ___ off.

In a very weird place

2007-09-15T11:33:00.000+10:00

"Try as we might. Happy as we were. We can't go back."

I love that line! I can so relate to it! I think most of us can so relate to it because we all have that happy place we always go to when we want to escape things. Or when girlfriends get together we will bring us back to that happy place just for a moment where you remember exactly how you feel,and you remember even the tiniest detail, like how the air smelled and felt...ok may be a little melodramatic there, but you know what I mean. Ash always laugh at me when I get together with my girlfriends coz he always ask don't we have anything else to talk about except the past? But I suppose for me, can't say for the girls, those time spent with them in UMICH was one of the happiest moment in my life. But I am sure if or when I go back now, things will not be the same. Our lives have changed...some of us have gotten the freedom we've been fighting for, and starting afresh again with so many possibilities, and some of us are figuring out where our lives are heading now...we've come to a juncture.

My last few blogs have been very superficial, even for my taste. I've only been sharing one aspect of my life that is still normal and moving along as best as expected. The rest of me have kinda been hiding and getting lost wherever I am because I dread facing what I need to do. I know my next step is the best for me, but it will be so hard because I know I so will disappoint the people I've come to like and care for. So, I've been "escaping" into that little place where I forget about me because I am happy there, but I know I still need to do what I have to do, and I am scared to death to disappoint. But I know I have to because I can't go back.

New Things...I LIKE!!!

2007-09-10T14:58:00.000+10:00

My set is complete!!! Remember the 3 classics I wanted, well got the last one the weekend before...and I am soooo now in LOVE and Obsessed with John Thornton!!! Sexy baby!!! Just have to watch the show and read the book!

So, definitely a few hundred well spent! No qualms about ordering more classic dvds - now looking into different titles to consider :-) Ms. Ketchup has offerred to buy off amazon, but can I wait that long for them to reach me...hmmm...looking at how obsessive I am I somehow don't think so :-P

The second thing was an impluse buy! Didn't really plan to do this, but when I saw it, I was completely sold! PDA phones...me a pda chick...never!! But this was one was just too cool & sexy to resist! So, now am trying to get used to using a transcriber, while not getting carparl tunnel syndrome! My wrist just gets cramped holding that stupid stick...but in any case I am IN LOVE in so many ways...sigh...

First Trial

2007-08-29T18:13:00.001+10:00

Funny Boys
Originally uploaded by Me Boyz

Just trying this out. Blogging from flickr! But thot this is such a classic picture to share. Such comics the boys are! I really love this shot...it was just after a very cold swim at Sunway Resort's pool. We stayed at Sunway Pyramid Tower, which by the way is such a sucky and cheapskate hotel. Considering the rooms we RM300+ a nite, they couldn't even give proper toilettries, bottled water or door for the closet!

So the very teruk man!

Birthday Wishes and Such

2007-08-28T19:02:00.000+10:00

It's been a pretty hectic few weeks with work and DH not around. Poor him running around like a headless chicken because of the work piling up. Alhamdulillah nonetheless, but still do worry that he's a little overworked.

Anyways, in between all the running around, we managed to squeeze in birthday celebration for Izz, Izz's 1st TV appearance on TV3, and Rayhan's 1st ever visit to the Indian Barber...almost like a tradition for the boys to have haircuts at the Indian Barbers. They are an institution, and very Malaysian thing I think!

Pictures galore...enjoys...more are in flickr!

Sleepy at TV3 for MHI taping.

Birthday Celebration!

Visit to the Barber!

Cupcakes for My Boy!

2007-08-08T14:33:00.000+10:00

Izz Faris will be turning 5 in about 2 weeks time! How time has flown! This year will mark the first time he is celebrating his birthday with his school mates...which means no prezzies! Poor boy!

But must say he has accumulated many toys over the past year, including a useless Ben-10 watch that his dad had to fork out RM50 for! But what's a birthday with no prezzies :-(

Anyways, he'll just have to get used to it I suppose!

One Step Closer!!

2007-08-02T16:08:00.000+10:00

Alhamdulillah, one of the banks have approved 90% loan for No.7! Now, I have put ask for permission from THE BANK to accept this loan! When I joined here I've pretty much signed over my independence...anything related to financial matters, the Bank will need to give their OK before I can proceed! Imagine that!!

Anyways, we are almost there. Now comes EPF, etc.

Just Picked Up

2007-07-26T16:33:00.000+10:00

Yay, it's finally here!! But still waiting for North&South (not the one with Patrick Swayze, please).

So, will be most occupied tonite! Tomorrow I am off...yay!! Spending well deserved time with the boys, but crap my car was dented when I was driving into the parking! MFKCR!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

2007-07-26T12:04:00.001+10:00

This just made my day!! Today starts the Bank's bi-annual booksale...what this really is that MPH, Borders and Popular will offer staff 15% disc on most books and games, and on top the Bank will subsidize an additional 25% disc, which means staff will end up getting 40% disc ( or a max RM100)! You can either go to the stores itself, or go and buy when they set up shop at the Bank's premises, which is today and tomorrow.

So, here I was thinking there won't be anything interesting to buy until what do I see on the shelves if not the last Harry Potter books...that people have been q-ing up/booking/waking at the crack of dawn/booksellers boycott, etc. for!! So, how can I not resist buying the book myself, even tho I am not a Potter fan, never read any of the books, and may be not even read this book! Because it is selling for less than the market price even after discounts...MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The good shall come to those who don't care or who waits...HAHAHAHA!

Hmmm...let's start on the book...may be I will learn to like it or at least see what's the fuss all about. Whatever comes out of it, I can always tell all the people out there that I got the book for less than RM69.90 wic was harga Tesco, etc.(tak payahlah tanya berapa less, janji less)...nyenyenyeee...

I LAP you BANK!!

Being a Person

2007-07-19T13:27:00.000+10:00

Has been an exhausting 2 weeks for me! I was on the on-boarding program for over a week with a 4-day session in Langkawi included! It was fun I suppose, but at the same time completely exhausting! So, I really wonder if there has been any internalisation of the values and culture because there was no real reflection time. But I suppose the whole idea of on-boarding is really more for the new folks to have some bonding time, and build their connections/network. I have always been involved in running on-boarding programs that I've forgotten how to be a participant!

So, anyways one of the activity that moi had the participants do was a personal letter to themselves committing to doing something about the organizational values. Yes, moi...who was a participant AND facilitator...wic was kinda weird actually. Anyways, since I asked people to do, I must to oso la kan...nanti org cakap I tak serupa bikin pulak!

So, I am now more committed than ever to push through the core shared values in the Bank. The values makes the organization, and the fact that currently it's only getting lip service, and even some leaders do not seem to appreciate them...it's just ain't funny! It's terrifying actually! Now, I just have to figure how I am gonna to this...damn it!

Etc.

2007-07-12T20:42:00.000+10:00

Dah 6 bulan still kena pi orientation. Sure felt old when the facilitator asked how many people took SRP, and pretty much I was the only one who put up her hand...so makes u wonder what the heck I am doing here!?

Dah lah kat Langkawi pulak tu, and I will be here till Sunday evening..the longest I've been away from the kids. And Ray is also sick...so lagi la I don't wanna be here. But I must say the Bank's resort looks great, and it's actually managed by Mutiara hotel. So, some pictures...will post the surrounding pictures on flickr.

On a side note, house #7 has been booked. Now, I have to do the grown up thing of visiting EPF to withdraw money for DP, and processing for the housing loan. So, now I am gonna be mortgaged for life...30yrs siut!!! I feel like such a grown up!

Frenetic July

2007-07-05T13:27:00.000+10:00

Crazy month for me...attending training and conferences on almost on a weekly basis, and now I have to get my ass off to Langkawi for 5 freaking days for on-boarding! Tried to get out of it for the last 6 months, but luck ran out and I have to go for orientation. Kesian my babies...have to leave them for 5 days!!!

Plus work is piling, along with papers to be presented to the management team...arrghh!!

Plus am having sleepless nights thinking of duit to buy the house! We really want to get this house, which is a much larger one than our place currently. It's a superlink, and it would be really great for us to settle here...the environment, house, schools for kids, etc. So, really stressed about the money for booking and DP, loan installments, renovation...sure lepas kalau beli nanti duit tarak nak renovate - not that we need to do much, but still the kitchen cabinets, grill, autogate, etc...arrrrrgggghhh!!! Why can't money grow on trees? I know where I work print money...hmmm may be they can just print extra for me...yaa, delusional!

So, just praying hard and InsyaAllah all goes well for us to say that this will be our new home :). If not I shall just revisit this entry and imagine what could have been...sigh...

Self Validation

2007-06-21T19:18:00.000+10:00

You are 87% Bittch!

Wow! Your nothing but a big bad Bittch! How cruel can you be? Bittch!! Wonder what your mommy did to you growing up! She must not of shown you enough loving! Your a nothing but a total Bittch! There is not one decent bone in your body!

How much of a B*tch Are you?
Create MySpace Quizzes

My sisters Ms. Ketchup, Dr. Iggy, Lara - care to show your true colors? Do share in our glory as Queen Bitches.

Spare change anyone?

2007-06-21T11:58:00.000+10:00

We are actually thinking of buying another house for the sake of investment, or may be to live there if it looks nicer than our place currently. It's sooo much fun going house shopping...getting new ideas or just imagining living in such a place. We went to look at Desa Parkcity...i tell you, you would not believe you were in Kepong if you go to this place! Their concept is very much like the west...courtyard homes with pools for each community. We saw their terrace homes, and their Semi-Ds which is fucking RM2mill, but cun I tell you!! So, we are hoping in-laws would consider this place (we went shopping coz MIL feels that she wants a smaller place since all kids are grown-up, etc.), so that we can live vicariously! This is something DH and me do very,very well!

Of course my loan cannot cover houses here, terrace at RM600k! Mampus...so we need to content ourselves with our current neighborhood, or within the vicinity. But for the time being, let me plan for our renovation since DH is quite keen we do this...tee hee.

I am Moved

2007-06-12T11:34:00.000+10:00

...in my living room watching/i am not laughing/cause when it gets tense i know what might happen
the world is cold/the bold men make action
have to react or get blown into fractions
ten years old/it's something to see/another kid my age under a jeep
taken and bound/and found later under a tree
i wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
do you see/the soldiers/they're out today they brush the dust from bulletproof vests away it's ironic/at times like this you pray
but a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday...

Hands Held High
Linkin Park

OCD

2007-06-09T20:04:00.001+10:00

I so definitely am on my way of having OCD! I was a woman on a mission today. After having my head in the clouds with Jane Austen the past week, not only repeatedly watching P2 and reading P2 at the same time, I've now decided to build a collection of my favorite Jane Austen's movies, or movies of her novels. I am in the process of downloading P2 with Keira Knightly, as well as Emma. And it will take me a good couple of weeks to have everything downloaded! I've also gone and placed an order for Sense&Sensibility (S2), the one with Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant!

So, the whole day I spent, in between servicing my car, going to Borders, Times, to search for S2 but there are no copies in the market. I was guided to Victoria Music Station in BSC coz Borders people (in BTS ok!) said Victoria can order for me. But no such luck! But while browsing there I was reminded how cool Victoria is. I used to frequent them during secondary school. They have such range of music! So, got me Pharos and Linkin Park, whose music is complete the opposite of each other. From Victoria I was guided to Fox Video wic, thank God, it was still in BSC! So, finally, luck was on my side! They actually help order DVDs for customers! So, I ordered S2, along with North&South, not the one with Patric Swayze, but a BBC mini-series based on Elizabeth Gaskell's , who was contemporaries with Charlotte Bronte, novel, and of course Jane Eyre, which stars Toby Stephens (the baddie in the Die Another Day).

So, I've now become completely obsessive with the classics! This is what happens when I get so absorbed into something. So, most definitely all these would cost me all the way up to the few hundreds! But I am so the very happy if I can get all these orders in! Fingers crossed!!

Honest to goodness Nidjiholic

2007-06-07T12:59:00.000+10:00

If you know where I can download this song please tell me...I soooo love it! Nidji's cool too!

Hapus Aku

Tuliskan kesedihan
Semua tak bisa kau ungkapkan
Dan kita kan bicara dengar hatiku

Buang semua puisi
Antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu
Yang kusebut itu cinta

Yakinkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu, waktu, hapus aku
Sadarkan aku Tuhan dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu, waktu, hapus aku

Tuliskan kesedihan
Semua tak bisa kau hentikan
Dan kita kan bicara dengar jiwaku

Buang semua puisi
Antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu
Yang kusebut itu cinta

Song by : Giring & Ariel
Lyric by : Ariel

My First Time

2007-06-06T11:28:00.000+10:00

On Mother's day last month, I got my first ever Mother's day card. It was not a surprise to say the least. Izz actually told me he had a "surprise" for me, which was he was making a Mother's day car...duhh! I even actually had to prod him to school on Friday so that he can finish his card and bring it home.

Izz whining: I dont't waaannnnaa go to schoooollll...
Me: Don't you want to go and finish your surprise for me?
Izz whining: I dont't waaannnnaa go to schoooollll...
Me: But if you don't go to school, you can't finish your card.
Izz: Hisssshh!
Me: YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL!
Izz: Hissshhhh! Stomping away...

So, anyway I did get my card in the end. He gave it to me after I came back from work with a happy grin on his face coz he was giving me a "surprise" gift. See, people are right when they say Mothers know best!

On my way to becoming an "Isteri Mithali"

2007-06-05T11:14:00.000+10:00

Remember my earlier post on diamonds? So you probably would have guessed that I am a real floozy (given my mis-adventures lately) chick who is shallow, and obsessed with diamonds...well, that still kinda sums me up.

Anyway, since Habs was having their mid-year sale (50% off storewide), yours truly was busy gallivanting to 3 different outlets in search of that elusive oval cut diamond ring (it was really that elusive!). Finally, tracked one down in BV, wic was the place where I first saw it...duhh!! So, we braved through the downpour on Sunday evening (2 kids+1 maid in tow), so that I can just "check" out the ring with no "outwardly" intention of buying.

DH actually liked the ring, but we agreed that even after the discount it was beyond our budget. So, he agreed that we can buy a round-cut diamond ring wic was more within our budget. I then reserved the ring with the intention to go back yesterday evening to pick it up. I was a very happy person, indeed!

Come yesterday, wic was a hard day at work and pretty much the thot of getting the ring kept me going, I went to BV again. But instead of picking up the ring I wanted, I got DH the Butang Baju Melayu that he saw and liked on Sunday. He definitely would never spend that much money on himself, and plus he needed to get his wife that ring kan?! So, I decided to surprise him with the BBM!

Awwww....isn't that sweet of me? I must say that this side of me very rarely comes out. But you know, I may not write much about DH, but he is really an awfully sweet guy (when he is not trying to "spin" stuff on you - he is one master "spinner"!), and I do love him to bits...again I don't say or show it often enough. So, he was extremely surprised when he saw the long jewelry box, instead of a small ring box (probably thinking what the f*%# she's gone and bought now?!), but the look on his face was priceless! He did say the usual crap la about I shouldn't have to spend that much, etc., but I knew he was thrilled!

So, all in all, I may not have gotten me the ring, but I sure did earn lotsa points, not only am I on the way of getting the ring again later on...and may be even the oval-cut one, but got me some cash for savings, points on being a good wifey, and made my DH a happy man and glad that he married me! Muahahaha!
DH's BBM Up-close - white swasa (7k gold wic Muslim Man can wear), with single a diamond surrounded by turquoise and smaller diamonds.

I Want

2007-06-01T19:59:00.000+10:00

Thanks to Sagi Chick, I am gonna have these for the boys b'days. These would be good for welcoming new mommy too - Rajes, I know what to get for you! Forget your pantang!

Mr. Darcy, Again!

2007-06-01T12:24:00.000+10:00

A favorite memory of mine (thanks for reminding me Zackie)! If you want to talk about crushes, or a man that can make my stomach turn topsy turvy, and have a silly grin on my face, it would have to be Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. Those who are familiar with Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (P2) would definitely agree with me!

So, anyways I was first introduced to Darcy during one of my summer vacation back to KL, in the mid-90s. I remember Ntv7 just came on air, and they were showing this obscure BBC mini-series (big hit in the UK mind you!). I missed the first episode, but after accidentally catching the subsequent episodes, I was utterly, desperately in love with Mr. Darcy. It didn't help that Colin Firth was just brilliant as Darcy - the pining looks that he gave Lizzie...just made me wanna tear at him!

Back to that happy memory, it was the last summer after graduation, and me and my girls, sans ms.ketchup (who was shacked up with guy she's been wanting to dump for the longest time...HAHAHAHA!), subleted this gorgeous house in central campus - I think it was blue.

We had very interesting times with a couple of bottles of vodka left by the earlier tenants (surprise, surprise???) and Kamel (not the Camel you see here or the animal, but it was a sweet tasting/cinnamony type of ciggy), and of course Mr. Darcy. We rented the set from the local A2 library, and we all just swooned over Darcy, but also the love story between Darcy and Lizzie. I so respect Jane Austen, if you saw the series and read the book, you can get the sexual tension and desperation without any sexual content! You just completely rely on your imagination...how cool is that??

I digress, but what I am trying to get at is that I loved that summer for many reasons, and one them was that blue house with the girls. I can still remember it clearly, my room wic was near the kitchen, the huge basement room vi and bagel had, and of coz zackie and amai in the cozy room. L was also with us - we gave her the biggest room! Also, the swing in the back where we spent lazy, warm afternoons talking about our lives and never realizing this is where we were heading to.

I miss those times so much. Don't get me wrong, I love my life now, ok la not 100% of the time, but I am cool with where I am at. But I just miss how my life was so simple back them, with little expectations, but still hopeful. I really don't think any of us are any different from those girls in their early 20s, because I think when we all get together we realize we don't feel any different. But we have now just evolved into women in their early 30s contemplating their next stage in life, and with lotsa baggage. Some of us are married with kids, or just married and thinking may be kids, and some are going through/went through rough patches and just now trying to re-figure out our lives, and what's next for us.

So, last night as I was watching P2 again, those memories and feelings came rushing back. Me the clueless (somethings never change, kan?) girl, with that silly grin on her face, dreaming of Darcy. I love my happy thoughts, sigh...

Bodoh-nye Aku!!

2007-05-31T14:13:00.000+10:00

My oh my, nearly pissed in my pants, when my boss told me that she's read my blog yesterday!!! Let's all say it together....WHAT THE FUCKKKK???? And as most of you who know me, will realize that this stupidity is not beyond me! Sigh...Mampus aku!

So, K. Gee if you are reading this I am doing work ok, cuma at times nak kena lepas tension sikit ye :-) And bila you ready nak start blog you, just let me know and I can help, okayyy, boss!? Btw, do excuse my language, but I think it's best you know the "real" me, but shall we just keep this between ourselves?! As well as whatever is shared in here, shall continue to remain in the blogspace :-D

You are the best! Honest, tak mengampu here :-DD

I just blame on the fact that I colored my hair over the weekend...I think red is still blonde for me!

A new reminder

2007-05-28T13:34:00.000+10:00

I love tags....like I said any excuse to not do work! This tag is courtesy of Lara.

So, let's see what's in the bag. Lotsa junk that's for sure, and if you see the size of my bag, I really stuff it to the brim!

Clockwise: Receipts from
old purchases;Eyedrops since
I'm with contacts now;Lakme
lipstick frm Sue;Nivea
lipbalm;Izz's appt card,
Borders rewards card&
Clinique compact;
Discount vouchers for Lancome
facial&for next meal in
Simply Penang Puchong;Mentos
sweets;Pen;Keys - car&hse;
New crystal bracelet from
Mak; Yoga Club membership
card and my biz card!

Ok...guess have to face the unavoidable - work! Looking at my bag, I think it's time for me to seriously look at that Guess bag I saw in Sogo. Looks kinda like the pix
:-)

Something on my mind

2007-05-28T12:04:00.000+10:00

Just needed to get this off my mind before I start work...yea right! Like I ever start doing work, kan?

Anyways, my MIL's maid ran away last Thursday night, and it just so happened that me and family were staying over then. So, when we found out (at least me and the kids, the rest knew that night itself) in the morning, Izz was quite upset about the maid running away. Not that he was especially close to her, but he was just confused coz he was hearing the discussion about her running away and stealing stuff from the house. Just before this the driver also quit over night, but not before stealing stuff as well. So, being 5, how do I explain to him why people do bad things?

Like this morning he asked me when Kak Ida (the runaway maid) is coming back, and I had to explain that when people ran away they don't come back coz they did something bad. I also had to explain why these people, who were close to us, stole stuff. Sigh...so very the difficult. When he watches CSI, etc. (yes I do let him watch CSI, but with certain reasons and logic wic I shall not explore...suffice to say he is well-balanced with Disney and AXN), I can easilly explain what happens and at the end of the day it's just acting. But when it's real life, and it's closer to home, how do I explain?

But it's interesting to see how a child's mind work, and whatever we do explain do sink it as I can see him relate it to different scenarios, or I hear him telling it like a story to other people. And he is not "judging", he just accepts the explanation. Let's hope our maid continues to do the good job she is doing (I am very well behaved with this maid - no yelling/scolding, etc.), and she doesn't disappoint him like these other people have.

BTW - I've been tagged by Lara. But will get to that later as I need to empty my bag...:p. Woo hoo more excuses not to do work!

Because of YOU....

2007-05-23T17:28:00.000+10:00

...my morning is a breeze! At least for the month, until they start charging the toll! Those who are out of KL, FYI - SMART Tunnel is finally open! It opened last week, and since last Wednesday my mornings have never been the same! It's such a breeze from Mines to my office - 30 mins, beb!

No more rushing off after dropping the baby at Mines...actually can stop by and have some breakfast! I am so spoiled now...leaving at 830, and still can stroll in my office without breaking a sweat, as opposed to cursing all the way, rushing and figuring out what my excuse would be for today!

We also tried taking the tunnel to BTS. It was cool, but quite claustrophobic because it was soooo long. I kept getting flashes of the movie Daybreak! But to think that we have something like this...a real multi-carriage hi-way is quite cool!

I may even can get full attendance for this month...woo hoo...off the blacklist I am!

Kek Lapis

2007-05-10T19:42:00.000+10:00

I decided to tag myself since I want to kill 15 mins before I can go home :-p

Layer One : On The Outside
Name : Muslim, Wife, Mommy...let's just use these as my identity for now.
Birth Date : 2-Jan-75
Current Status : Married with a 3 boys, or it feels like that.
Eye Colour : Brown
Hair Colour : Ori - Black; Now - Was red but sumhow now it's more reddish blonde? Or it could just be in my head.
Righty or Lefty : Righty

Layer Two : On The Inside
Your Heritage : Arab with smatters of Bugis and may be Thai...or is it the other way round?
Your Fear : not being a good muslim/mom/wife that I'll make my kids be like me. God forbid!
Your Weakness : if i can afford it anything with diamonds, but if not shoes
Your Perfect Pizza : Lotsa cheese and mushrooms!
Your Thoughts First Thing When You Wake Up : Rayhan..shhhh...
Your Bedtime : in bed by 930pm with Rayhan, but asleep after Seinfeld or after catching the 2nd round of CSI if I miss the first screening.
Your Most Missed Memory : 1. summer after graduation from college...staying working as a housekeeper in the dorms, and that ms. ketchup and i punched in but was spending the day in Cedar Point. 2. Walking back from Wendy's after stuffing ourselves with 99 cents fries, chilli and cheeseburger.

Layer Four : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : coke
McDonald's or Burger King : my last pregnancy i developed a distaste for BK's bread - tasted like cheap bread. So, pretty much McD nowadays esp with Chix foldovers!
Single or Group Dates : Group dates. More fun that way.
Adidas or Nike : Reebok please
Tea or Nestea : tea
Chocolate or Vanilla : Choc, but lately to not too fussy for either.
Cappucino or Coffee : Vanilla/Caramel with cap/latte

Layer Five : Do You ...
Smoke : Closet, but also only when I am stressed or just chillin' with DH
Curse : F*#$ YES!!
Take a Shower : Can't imagine not doing so
Have a Crush : Not lately.
Think You've Been In Love : Yes very much so...love has just evolved more now
Go To School : InsyaAllah
Want To Get Married : more like want to continue to be married.
Believe In Yourself : Try to, but need some reminder from time to time.
Think You're a Health Freak : trying to, aspire to...

Layer Six : In The Past Month
Drank Alcohol : nope
Gone To The Mall : would be crazy not to..
Been On Stage : stage no, but audience yes...running workshops part of job scope
Eaten Sushi : every chance i get
Dyed Your Hair : every 6 months or so

Layer Seven : Have You Ever ...
Played A Stripping Game : No
Changed Who You Were To Fit In : Initially before I learned to accept me

Layer Eight :
AgeYou're Hoping To Get Married : hoping to stay married

Layer Nine : In A Girl/Guy
Best Eye Colour : blue like Brad Pitt
Best Hair Colour : Dark Brown
Short Hair or Long Hair : like McDreamy please

Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : Cursing at a stupid man who doesn't understand essence of communication
1 Hour Ago : Bitching with my friend
4.5 Hours Ago :Picking up my son
1 Month Ago : Planning my holidays
1 Year Ago : Worrying abt Hubby + going for Umrah

Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : to be able to buy my diamond ring
I Feel : happy when my kids are in bed and I can watch my shows with hubby
I Hate : stupid man who doesn't understand essence of communication...or just people with no Emotional/Social IQ!!!! Fucking hate them!!
I Hide : my smoking and cursing habit
I Need : to go and buy my diamond ring

Layer Twelve: Tag other people...those who read my blog and you're bored at work do this :-)

Family Break

2007-05-04T19:35:00.000+10:00

End of last month we took the kids to Kuantan on OUR OWN!! We always had my parents whenever we went on holidays to help cover with the kids. But this time they were on to us, and cleverly kept quiet when I told them we were gonna take the kids away to Kuantan. Guess they learned their lesson...I even tried to get Izz to convince his Mak Tok...but nope, she didn't fall for it!

Anyways, it still ended up being a good break...exhausting for the parents, but seeing the kids having a blast really made up for the exhaustion...or could it be the ring and pendant I got when we detoured to Habib Ampang...hmmm...

It took us 1 day to kinda recover from the shock of having to fully care and feed the kids on our own coz the first night when the kids went to bed at 9, so did we! But our second night was good...we spent it hanging out on the patio, and we just talked for a couple of hours! This is what I've been telling DH...we may not get to go for the romantic holidays just two of us (not that we did that often before we had kids), but it's just that our lives now have evolved, and we need to adjust to that life. We chose it so we need to make it work. There is really no point in comparing what we had vs. what we have...we'll always be disappointed, kan!? It's all about managing expectations.

I guess it also helped that we are not like the typical couple that go away on our own all the time. I think the only time we went away the two of us was for our honeymoon. Other times we went away with his family or my family. I've always preferred holidaying with people as opposed just the two of us....more fun that way. Think he agrees with me, but makes a big deal about no personal time just to test me :-P

But he knew what I was like when he married me...I am not one for romance, etc. Kan aku ni minah kering! Anyways, we've had our trial, and if I may say so myself, we passed brilliantly! So in Sept, we may do a short break in Genting, and next year hopefully BALI, baby!!

Diamonds...oohhh I looove!

2007-05-04T17:18:00.001+10:00

Woo hooo!! Went and got some new presents for myself, and this time courtesy of DH!! I soooo loooveee diamonds! I dunno when I started liking jewelry! I am not a diamond connoisseur...I just like them shiny and relatively big! As long as they look good on my finger, and they shine, I am a happy girl. I become like a kid in a candy store when I am in a jewelry store (I seem to have some affinity with Habib Jewels lately). And my weakness is rings...I LOVE them all...all shapes, sizes and designs!! I can resist everything else but not rings...it's like in my head all I hear is I WANT! I WANT!, and basically I just go YES! YES!

Anyways, you can just go to my flickr to see my latest additions, which includes a new ring, and I am hoping to go back sometime in June for an even bigger purchase (it's gonna be a ring!!)...that is if my bank account can support the buy, and DH will allow and help contribute...hehehehe!

But may be the voice of reason will come to me in between and make me realize that I should save that money for my kids, but for now the shiny bright stone is clouding my rational thought...a girl can always dream, kan? kan? Sigh...

Heroes to Suspects, and plain Psychos?

2007-04-18T11:26:00.000+10:00

What's dominating the newspaper lately, or at least what catches my eyes? Yin's rescue and today the shootings in Virginia Tech. My BIL went there I think, so I guess that's why I have a better connection as compared to when the shooting took place in Columbine.

Those who don't know about Yin...he's this 5 yr old kid who went missing when his family was shopping in Sogo at the end of last month. So, last Sunday a Myanmar Rohingya couple handed him over to the police saying that they didn't know that there was only the largest manhunt/search & rescue happening because they have no TV, etc. The IGP was at hand to receive the child, and lauded the couple for taking care of the child, and said the case was closed! Huge PR opportunity!

The next day? The couple is remanded for suspecting of kidnapping. Sekarang banyak la cerita that they abducted the child and forced him into begging with the couple's other children. Today Yin's father made a statement that he still harbors no ill-feeling towards the couple, and didn't instigate the investigation (he actually made a public comment earlier that he will forgive whoever took his kid and will not press charges if Yin was returned safely). So, today he says he still forgives the couple, but now it is up to the police...it's in their hands. Whatever ok...to me it's like now "I have a little caveat at the end of my forgiveness", and whatever happens to the couple he will still look like the good person who is all forgiving.

The question I would ask is how did the kid in the first place walked out of Sogo on his own...the earlier story was that the dad was trying clothes and Yin was waiting outside. It seems that Yin disappearing is nothing new because he has a tendency to do that, his grandparents lost him before. So you know your kid loves to wander off...so you would actually leave him on his own? I tried so hard to not to pass judgement in the earlier days because I empathised with the parents, but to me as a Mom, I just had that nagging feeling that something was not right, and wanted to yell "what the fuck were you thinking?!" But after seeing what's happened now that the child has been found...subtly the dad (he's the only one pictured in the media) implying how irresponsible the Myanmar couple was for not returning the kid earlier and to let him stay in such a dilapidated and unhygienic environment. Who is the irresponsible one really?

What about the couple? You see their home...kesian giler ok! Some people may not be aware of the Rohingyas...they are here under amnesty because they have been persecuted in their homeland - they have no rights whatsoever. Many have fled to Bangladesh, Malaysia, etc. but their lives are still not easy. Here, they can't really get jobs, their children can't go to school so they live their lives in a state of limbo - not really belonging anywhere. I can't comment much because I really don't know enough, but I am trying to contextualise this couple lives and their environment. So when they found Yin, they take him home to be with them and their 5 other kids! They don't have enough money, yet they would still buy food and clothes for kid. Why? Because now they have an extra hand to go out begging! Really? Seriously?!

What the couple did was not right, but perhaps they saw it as an opportunity - either for a reward or that extra hand la, but whatever the reason may be, it is possible they were just hoping for something to improve their lives. It is possible that they really did care of Yin (neighbors did say they always see Yin playing happily with the other kids especially the youngest girl - may be to some level she reminds him of his own younger sibling), and the fact that they may have used Yin for begging is because that's how they live their life! The children can't go to school, and to make ends meet they needed to resort to begging. It's not malicious, but it's their way of life. Yin seemed to not care at all about what was happening...he's just a happy kid (wic I also wonder if he doesn't have any sort of developmental problems - the dad mentioned that he is a slow learner..whatever that means, but that's a whole other issue.) What people do sometimes is a by product of their environment...their values are shaped by their environment. This couple came here as immigrants with very little chance of making a better life for themselves. They know nothing better...this is their reality.

But I am not going to get into a psychological debate, and all about the nature vs. nurture...I am just thinking out loud. Trying to make sense of what I am reading. I feel bad for the Rohingya couple. Imagine if they really didn't do anything wrong, their lives are just going from bad to worse because on top of tyring to make ends meet, they will now have people judging them (even if they are exonerated). And Yin...goes back to his parents, and the public will remember them as the unfortunate couple who finally got their child back - it's a happy ending. We like happy endings because it gives us hope, as opposed to thinking about what'll happen to the Rohingya couple. Let's just hope Yin doesn't wander off anymore after this, InsyaAllah.

And today...you read about another senseless killings in the US. The suspect is supposed to be a South Korean student who has issues with rich kids. Again, you need to think what was happening around him to make him feel/think that way...what drove him to the edge? It could also be that he's plain psycho, but really when you read about these people there is always some torment and breaking point that happened in their early days. So, we'll probably learn more about this from Discovery Channel or some movie...you so know Hollywood will somehow take this to the movies. I wonder how they would depict the Asian kid, because Asians are not known to be Psychos or serial killers...it's usually Caucasian male. So, we'll see how their analysis and portrayal will be like.

Sigh...anyway life goes on, and the wonderful thing about being human is that we'll soon forget how we felt at this point in time. Time will heal...and we move on to next news-worthy topic.

Pictures from news.bbc.co.uk. / A write-up on the plight of Rohingya.

May be there's still hope

2007-04-10T15:56:00.000+10:00

Psycho-mom defined? Looks pretty optimistic :-)

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Confessions of a Psycho-Mom

2007-04-10T15:09:00.000+10:00

I have a guilty conscience to clear...I need to be a much more patient and better parent! My eldest boy is becoming soooo difficult to handle...fussy eater, tunes me out (wic I deserve I think), and is driving me up the wall, and he IS 5!!!

I know I need to be more patient and find better ways of reaching out to him as opposed to always picking on him and yelling at him...but my patience is 0 to none!

In my prayers I do ask God to make me more patient and a better mom, and to have the strength and capability to guide my children well. I just don't want to drive them away. When I get into my psycho-mom mode, it's almost like an out-of-body experience and I hate seeing what I am doing. And when I realize what I am doing I would stop, and I think my kid gets so confused seeing his mom all weird-out!

But sometimes it's just so hard to stop myself...I dunno as I am getting older I becoming a person that I don't recognize anymore...I am so anal, and nit picky, and I hate myself for being this way.

I need to learn how to stop before I become someone I don't know or even like anymore. What does this say of me as a mom, and a Muslim? I so hope that self realization is the path of becoming a better person, if not I am so fucked! And worse my kids will be so screwed!

I am like an onion...

2007-04-02T11:36:00.000+10:00

...or so I'd like to think. I have so many layers to me...macam la aku ni deep sangat kan? Bottom line I like money and waiting my time to be a tai-tai and be able to buy all the TODS I want...sigh...

Anyways, because si cibai pompuan suka ketchup tu...I have to peel my layers. So, since I need to be productive at work (mampus aku kalu org bank tau ni)...I shall spend the next couple of minutes, or rest of the day if need be, to find the 6 things that makes me "stand-out" from the regular janes/joes...

But before I begin here is the ruling - "People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

So here goes...my wall of weird..

1. I've been told I am surrounded by the "Male Yang" which explains a lot of my behaviors especially when it comes to sex. Forget the candle light romantic crap...that don't do much for me...like the guys I just want to get it on so that I can then sleep/wac tv/read my book...you can also not bother with the spooning/cuddling after sex...you're just crowding my space...so how's this for an Intro?

2. I have debates with myself...some people just talk to themselves, but I literally have conversations with myself...multiple conversations, with answers, rationale, what-may-have you...there are multiple people with their own screwed up perspectives living in my head.

3. Like Ms. Ketchup, I am fascinated by shit. So, ya I oso do that shit-checking...I do that for my kids, so I should do that for myself too la kan? But I am oso fascinated with nose-shit...boogers. Don't you just love picking your nose...come on I know you doo...so don't become hoity-toity with me...remember as a kid we would dig, dig, get a really loong and squishy one and gentil into a ball and lekat somewhere...HAHAHAHA...just love those moments!

4. I like to push people's buttons...even my kids. If they don't do what I want them to do (like feeding times) I will have a stand-off with them till they cry, and it will be a mind-game as to who will be left standing...Pyscho mom from hell...but then the nice mom will come out and pacify the kids...ala Jessica/Nikki?!

5. Checking out women+men...I like them both. I always do the once over, and for both gender, my focus will always be on the asses...(unless their racks and packets look too good to miss out) so going up escalators you know where my eyes will be focused...and I love getting into a debate with hubby about folks we are checking out.

6. Mind masturbation...I so love to have discussions, most of the time with myself, about things. I will try to pick at whatever the topic is, to death or till I get a freaking migraine. Like I said layers to be pealed. If I have company that'll do, but if not I can play all by myself...

So, have I said enough? Now the rest of you folks need to come down with me...those of yous who have a blog you will need to share 6 weird things about you on your blog...the rest can do it on my space or wherever you want to do it!

Maria
Sue
Lara
Rajes (I know you read so now you better write)
Fara
Amy (now you've got a good excuse to start/share your blog with us)

Start cracking...you ain't leaving me alone and exposed!

What I have on my nightstand...

2007-04-02T11:22:00.000+10:00

I think most folks have started reading this!! I am enjoying every single page because I feel like the writer is talking about the stuff that my friends and I always talk about, and what is actually going through my mind!! I am laughing so much, and most of time I am thinking...spot on!!

She talks about the dichotomy of being Muslims which I so can relate to coz I've always wondered about myself...a Malay, Muslim, Woman, Mother...who wears a Hijab, and for those who know me will say I so don't fit the bill of the typical hijab clad muslim malay woman...but from the book you will see no one is really what they appear to be...so many layers we have. Oooohhh....mind masturbation...

Side note...I've been tagged so now I have to sit and think of 6 weird things about me...so wac out I'll be tagging some yous out there...I am not going down alone!!! We need to peel our layers (I have Dr Phil in my head and hearing him say that...try it!).

2007-03-29T19:16:00.000+10:00

I think the bug has made friends with me...or it cud just be the weather. It has been flip-flopping between really hot weather and torrential rain. Like today it has been raining the whole day...since very early this morning in fact. Our weather has been very screwed up since 2007 began...

So, I really don't know whether I truly am sick, or its the weather, or its just work. Most likely it's work...I am just so allergic to it. I just wanna be at home crawled up in bed with all my boys...sigh..

It's that Time Again!

2007-03-28T16:00:00.000+10:00

Yea...macam la I go through this career reflection every year! I am just now looking to explore where do I go from now on. My friend who did my Pat Chi reading said my money only coming in when I am 51!!

I can't be waiting that lonng!! I don't want to be working for the next 30 years...die la like that!! I am just hoping that Ash's money come in before that :-P

Anyway, I am 5 mths into my new job...contract up in another 7 mths or so. I have to really think hard whether I will/want to continue here, or actually go into something else...like academia. I've been toying around with that idea for awhile now especially when I went into this job of mine. I mean my kids are growing up, and I do want to be more involved in their lives and education. Nowadays by the time I come back I am dead tired that I don't even bother much. I am hoping by going into academics I can have more of a balance...like always I am not looking for a career..just something enough to give me spending money and bidding my time when I don't have to work anymore!! But I must also like what I doing...and I do find some sort of fulfillment when I am "teaching" - I really enjoy my time running workshops and orientation.

So, will see if I will be successful in this foray...I just hope I don't have to adjust my spending limit too much :-P

Don't you just love these things?

2007-03-20T15:03:00.000+11:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Insights into me? May be...you are the better judge. Do you think it's me? Tell me la. Then you can try it for yourself.

Things that Kids do to Themselves. Sigh...

2007-03-20T14:19:00.000+11:00

Izz Faris really got himself into a fix over the weekend. He went and put a polystyrene bean (from the bean bag) into his ear! The thing is we don't even know how long that bean has been in his ear! I guess things happen for a reason...here I was cursing that he caught flu again after 2 weeks, but if he hadn't gotten sick the paediatrician wouldn't have had to check his ear and found that stupid bean!

It's these little things that on the surface you think nothing of, but when you actually think about it you get some clues that some things are not just pure coincidences. There is a greater plan that we are not privy of but at times you get some glimpses of it...if you pay attention.

So, now after much yelling and screaming (he was not crying but screaming!), he is alright, and we have cool story to tell for the rest of his life. But he'll pretty much tell everyone that his 1 yr old brother stuffed that bean into his ear!

HOOKED, baby!!

2007-03-09T18:24:00.000+11:00

Just saw Chapter 18...and it is really a "what the #$@*!!!" kinda episode. So can't wait for the next episode, and I can't believe I have to wait for another month!

Thank God for internet downloads...can you imagine how it was before? Having to wait like months, and even years for a new season to begin! At least I know that by April 25-25 I can already download and see what's in store! Me the GEEK!!

I am such a sucker for "comic book-ish" superheroes stories! I guess that's the nerd in me, but I am just to fascinated by how these writers think! If you talk about creativity and imagination this is it...its all about common human issues but presented in such an engaging and mindblowing way. Suspension of reality to the max!

Can't wait!!

Flexible, I ain't!

2007-03-09T14:25:00.000+11:00

Why do I do this to myself? You'd think from the picture it's all calmness and meditation, etc. That calm face will need to be replaced with a grimace. I so do not look that good, and I must say neither do most of the people in my class, when I am being pulled and stretch in ways that I never knew a body can be stretched. And it doesn't help that the teacher is talking away while we are holding that position, and they forget the agony we are in...hello..look at my freaking size and how long have I been doing this...duh!!?

But you know I really salute these folks that have made yoga their way of life! The discipline and what they do to their bodies it's very amazing. I don't think I'll ever get that far, but I do see it getting a little easier as I get used to the positions. I sweat like a pig, and look completely like an idiot, but if it gets me to lose the weight without having to cough my lungs out, I will stick it out.

Close your eyes, relax your body, and breathe...

What's My Direction?

2007-02-26T20:23:00.000+11:00

I just had my personal Feng Shui "advisor" did my calculations. Generally I am facing all my good directions. That is until I get my own compass to really make sure my directions are right!

Now the question is do I really believe in all this? Some also may argue that this is very against the whole concept of qada'+qadar and it is un-Islamic. Actually, in Islam there are elements of feng shui to some extend. Of course it is not related to the sun and moon, etc. like conventional feng shui. I sat in a talk by an "Islam-based" motivator speaker, who spoke to us about directions, and colors, that are good or will help us etc. At the end of the day, to me, all these things are just to be seen as enhancers.

You never know what can influence your aura, and inner energy. If you take prayers - besides connecting with Allah, remembering Him, giving yourself to Him, prayers serve as way to get inner peace. So, I do believe things, both tangible and intangible, affects your innerself. Therefore, things like feng shui, etc. are just ways for you to balance your environment. It is no way should be in place of your prayers, and for you to leave your fate fully on the directions of the moons, flying stars, etc.

Everything is in moderation. It goes back to how you balance your beliefs, and these "extra" enhancers. I may be facing directions that will enhance my wealth, health, growth or love, and may pray for all the good things to happen...But if it doesn't happen, then I know I've tried my best, but Allah has bigger plans that I have yet to be clued in. So, this is where my faith comes in, and I accept what is meant for me. Nothing more, nothing less.

Gen Z?!

2007-02-22T15:38:00.000+11:00

The new generation of Malaysians. This video was done by my baby SIL and her classmates. I really can't imagine what the world will be like when Izz and Rayhan are grown up. Even now, I see how my SIL and her peers are soo different in their thinking, and how the world of technology has created such an influence and redefined our culture.

It is also interesting how people have so moved on to using "artificial" way of demonstrating creativity...but that in itself is a form of creativity isn't it? Just amazing how far we've all come, and large the generation gap will continue to become.

Vegging Out the Holidays

2007-02-20T00:03:00.000+11:00

I've been holiday since Friday afternoon. We are having one of our last few long public holidays for 2007. After this there will be blackout of public holidays till May coz most of the day offs will fall on a Saturday, and we don't work on Saturdays. What also sucks is that these Saturday public holidays will not be captured in our annual leave nor will we get replacement leave. But I guess I shouln't complain coz I do get 26 days a year of annual leave which is much higher than normal, and if we include more replacement leaves there will be no way for me to use up all the leave.

So what do we do during these days? Pretty much vegging out at home in front of the TV especially when Izz has been sick for the last couple of days. If not vegging in front of the TV, we are out at the shopping malls spending money. Actually when we think about it there really isn't much outdoor stuff we can do in KL. There are the parks we can visit I suppose, but only if you want to weather the weather. Like when we went to the birdpark...I have never walked so much, and because of the trees the humidity was just crazy...I was completely drenched! There is no beach in KL. The nearest is PD, which pretty much is a sorry excuse for a beach. It probably is much better than before, but still very far from the pristine beaches of the East Coast states.

It takes a lot more effort to do the "natural" stuff here in KL, effort which Ash and I are too damn lazy to take. Plus we are so not the nature people - can't ever imagine taking a hike in the jungle or going to the waterfalls. Which leaves me with the wonderful world of ASTRO where I can take advantage of the Discovery and NGEO...so I guess there will be benefits of vegging out in front of TV. Who says TV is bad for you?!

Family Time

2007-02-15T14:43:00.000+11:00

We actually had family time doing the touristy stuff - we went to the bird park and Aquaria! You know since we had kids, our lives have become less of "us/me." I know my Ashran always tries to ask me to focus on "us/me" but it is difficult. I am always feeling guilty or torn. I don't spend enough time with my kids, and when I do have the time they will always come first, Ashran second and me last.

This quality time crap really sucks! By having that concept it has just taken out aspects of "us/me-time". You only have a finite number of hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in year...and next thing you know kids have grown up, people have moved on, and then you'll wonder where you are at!?

I have to say that I am very lucky because I have strong family support where the kids will get attention from their aunties, uncles and grandparents...but it still doesn't alleviate my guilt, and what's worse now I have to compete with these folks for the attention from my kids. Talk about being confused - you are appreciative but you are also resentful!

There has to be a better way of being able to manage this thing of being a mom, career person and wife! I can't always be trying to squeeze some of "me/our-time" when I do stuff with my kids. I guess at the end of the day, you just have to make the hard decisions that you need to split yourselves, and make certain sacrifices because you have chosen this life and this path. I guess I just have to have faith and persevere that there is a bigger plan for me, and my path is not ending here.

How weird is that?

2007-02-10T13:44:00.000+11:00

I've been trying to get into my blog for the last couple of days, but somehow it kept on going into this dude's blog! How weird is that?

You'd think with the current technology the internet has become pretty much safe...I mean we've come so far kan? But for whatever reason, the other day when I logged in I kept going into this dude's place. Can you imagine who then managed to access my blog? People could so easily just do whatever they want...I read somewhere that in the UK they have one of the highest internet theft.

I guess with technology, it's a double-edged sword. You think you have managed to create something that's fail-safe until the next second when someone who is smarter figures how to make it "unsafe".

May be the safest way is still queing up in the bank, or just keeping a diary...but how boring is that?

Seriously!?

2007-02-05T20:58:00.000+11:00

I just came off a weekend of doing a Grey's Anatomy marathon! I pretty much have been sleeping around 3AM since last Thursday...coz being a Mommy I can't start watching GA until past 10PM. Considering I had a lot to catch up...hence the late nights.

I always wondered why I go into these fanatical mode, where I get completely wrapped up in a TV show! You wonder right - how a show about a bunch of horny doctors can just take over your precious sleep-time (remember 2 babies...I have not know sleep pretty much for the last 5 years!). The last time I was this obsessed was with The X-files.

I guess it is just the escapism that these shows allows me to have. I have to say that I can so relate to the things that Meredith, et. al. talk about and how their lives just unravel through their interactions with the patients and each other. What I find completely amazing, not just with GA but other shows as well, are how the scriptwriters can just write something that fully involves the audience, and completely drag them into this fictional world, and yet it feels so real!

I think at one point in our lives we have lived our lives vicariously through others...and these TV shows gives us an "out" from our own lives, and for at least that hour we see our lives unravel through Christina's bitterness, Meredith's blunders, Izzy's annoying habit of over emotionalizing everything, and George being George. I guess it kind reminds us that we are not alone, and that somewhere out there some people actually do get us.

Well, it probably will be another sleepless night for me tonight...screw work!

Jodoh, oh Jodoh!

2007-01-26T13:22:00.000+11:00

My dear Ketchupmissy brought up an interesting thing when she shared her "Moo Theory." This thing has been in my head for awhile now, and guess what, it is now a pet-peeve of mine!

Why is that whenever there is a case with infidelity (both men and women - I don't want to be blamed to be sexist, but to be honest when you look who cheats more often...well tanya diri sendiri la ok). Anyways, back to my point, when suddenly your man wants to take on a 2nd wife...it is so easy for them to cry JODOH??!! When in fact in the past whenever things fail or go well they never give credit to fate, to God's will, etc. I dunno, I just feel that Jodoh has become an easy way out for people to justify their infidelities.

And when they go down this JODOH path, they take this holier than thou or humble attitude of "how can I fight against the will of Allah?"...so easy to say...it pisses the hell out of me! To me it's just downright pure crap!

I do believe in jodoh, but I also believe that Allah tests people in the ways that they don't expect, and He expects you to prove yourself, and fight for what is right, and go to Him for guidance and support. To me if you suddenly have the temptation to stray, you need to evaluate why you need to stray, what you will potentially lose, who you will hurt, and you then decide what your next step will be...if you decide you don't want to do it, you work hard, you pray hard that Allah strengthen your existing relationship. Do whatever it takes...

I hate it that someone who never thinks of Allah in the past, but when it comes to taking the 2nd-4th wives, suddenly they remember about Allah and religion. I can just see it when DK was talking about his marriage to Siti...nak muntah darah aku! But this tirade is not against him personally, but it is against all those cheating husbands religious or not!

At the end of the day, God does not dictate what you do...that's why He gave us a brain to think what is right, and what is not - so don't we owe it to Him to use it? Duh!

We need to take accountability for our actions, and not just keep passing the buck, and making religion the scapegoat for our own weaknesses and faults.

Best Friends

2007-01-25T14:30:00.000+11:00

My young son has two best friends, and as of last month, one girl who probably would like to think he is her boyfriend. It's so cute...she just loved to kiss him, and she has Angie Jolie's lips too! So very the cute to see the first crush :-D.

I guess this is one of the most wonderful things about being a parent - we get to relive all the “firsts” in our lives through our children. I guess as parents we hope that we can share our experience with our children so they won’t make the same mistakes we did…but at the same time you’d want them to experience their on life and make their own mistakes so that they can learn from them, and Insya-Allah become a better person for it.

I remember my first best friends – Rosmawati and Normalinda. I never went to kindergarten, and just went into Standard 1 (primary 1 as they call it now)…but my mom was my class teacher so easy la for me to transition, and you can guess who thought she was the boss in the class ;-P. I do remember that I was a brat in school – I always did well, and I was one of those overachiever kids where I had always to get the best grades, be the class monitor, etc. So, with these two girls Normalinda was sweet and gentle and would just follow what I say…so of course I adored her. Rosmawati was such a nice person, but she was my assistant monitor and smart as hell too, so may be for “self preservation ;-)” I had a love-hate relationship - mind you it was one way - with her as she was still oblivious (that's how innocent she was) to my conniving plans…and I must say you can already see the traces of my bitchiness at that early age. Poor girl, I am sure at times she didn’t know what hit her!

Through the years, I moved around a lot and had many “best friends” along the way…the ones that stick in my mind are Zurilawati, Ardena, Shanti, Juanita, Sharina…etc. But the one that will always be in my heart, and I will always regret losing touch with is Mizmun. She was such an influence in my life, and I think I was a real bitch for pushing her away and letting the friendship die. It was a weird time for me…and I shall continue to live with the “what ifs”, but I have to make peace with what I did. This mistake has made me appreciate all my relationships and friendships I have now…and I am always reminded by my dear husband that I don’t have many friends…wic is true, but I know these few friends that I have now will be with me through thick and thin, and I will work my damndest to not kill these relationships…Insya-Allah.

So..

..to Izz…enjoy your time Mohd. Rayyan and Ahmad Sharif, and all the many new relationships you will have! I can’t wait to see you have your first crush, first love, and other firsts, and I will be there for you when you have your first “losts” too. Although I hate to see my baby grow up, but I love seeing you grow up into this little person, and Insya-Allah I hope I haven't really screwed you up too much!

Especially to DH, Ketchupmissy, Amai, SAK, Chocfudge, and the few others that I consider close to me…I LOVE you guys, and you have been such wonderful additions in my life.

To Miz…Happy Birthday and I hope you will have a wonderful year and life ahead. I’ll ways remember you, and miss our friendship.

...and to new friends and relationships I am making as I continue down this road...I am really looking forward to connecting with you...

Here’s to best friends…

Self Preservation

2007-01-23T17:07:00.000+11:00

Why are we so concerned with self preservation? I am not talking about life in general, but more within the context of working culture. I am sure those of you who work in the corporate world (however you like to define corporate) have come across individuals who are so self absorbed about achieving the highest rating or the next promotion that they forget to be a decent human being!

The fact that sometimes we have our head so far up our own ass (as my dear Ketchupmissy says) that we can't see the light anymore. Don't get me wrong I am one of the most money, and status (a little) -driven person you can meet...I am one those who if you ask love or money would actually have to pause for a loooong time to consider, and chances are money will have the upper hand. If not immediate money, but at least the potential of making money and fortune later on. So, I know the importance of climbing the ladder, and pushing ahead...but seriously, at the expense of others or the relationships you have? Seriously?

I guess I have always been reminded, and now reminding myself, that our time in this world is temporary and we won't be bringing money, title, etc. to our graves. But my philosophy is that during our time in this world...those things matter, and are important and helpful. But you don't have to be a queen bitch (bastard) along the way, to be able achieve those things...you know what I mean?! Think about all the knowledge and relationship you would have lost if you continue on this self destructive (the way I see it) path...as my friend would say...is this strategy sustainable? If it is, I am guessing it is very lonely at the top...and you will constantly looking behind your back...

A New Beginning

2007-01-22T18:48:00.000+11:00

This is the 3rd day of the new year...1428. If you are a Muslim that is...

This is really my first attempt at "writing" in a blog. I have been blogging for a few years, but I don't really know if you would consider what I did as blogging. Is there a real definition of blogging? I am sure there is...there's always gonna be a definition. May be that's the way we try to define ourselves, and what we do. May be to give ourselves an identity? May be...

Anyway, I have always put up my life to be seen and shared over the net. I suppose this is a way for me to share myself with the people that I consider as my friends. In life, people always move on in ways they never realize that they would...and the net allows the bond to continue as opposed to dying a natural death. So, if you know me, you probably would have seen pictures of my life...wic consists of the 3 boys in my life...1 husband+2 sons.

I guess what you wouldn't have known is who I really am . I am still trying to figure that out. I have always wrapped my identity around what I surround my life with...so now I guess I am a wife, lover, mother, daughter...etc. But does it stop there or does it begin there?

Well...here's hopin' for a great and blessed year ahead! May all our prayers be heard and be fulfilled.